DEAR SANTA

Dear, Santa 

 By.Heather Lynn Doty

            Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is my friend back I don't know why I still miss him? I haven't seen him hardly at all in these past few months,but I still miss him.Some days I want to write “I miss you” on a rock then throw it at his face just so he will know how bad it hurts to miss him. Its weird to think how your best friend can become a stranger.Im use to being on the inside of jokes now I feel like such an outsider.I feel like I’m being punished for trying to help him. And the thing that kills me is, so much time has past I feel forgotten, and easily replaced.
           He was my best friend.And I don’t want to replace him.I don’t want to be those friends who become strangers with similar memories.I think its because I am flawed and I understand others are as well.We all make mistakes some small, some big.But those mistakes shouldn't ruin years of good moments,memories, and laughter.Perhaps that's why you keep putting presents in my stalking instead of coal.I don't deserve to be put on the nice list but every year I am. And I figure if Santa can over look my flaws maybe my friend can too, and I his.
          My friend made some big mistakes this year and they really affected me.Some of his mistakes are still affecting me.But if he didn't make those mistakes I would have never took a hard look at my own mistakes and started to change.Infact those changes are the reason I deserve to be on the nice list this year.And its the reason I am asking for this I finally deserve something enough I thought to ask you for it.
         I understand if you can't give me what I want for Christmas. You can't make everyone happy.But I would be the happiest person in the world if you could.And that would be a true Christmas miracle because so much has gone wrong for me this year I can barely remember what happiness feels like.
        Christmas is supposed to be a time of forgiveness, friendship, and joy.I would give up all the unnessisary material items just to be friends again.So santa pleas don’t bring me any presints this year because I dont need any of them.All I need is a friend.

      Sincerely, You know who.
p.s. I will make you those chocolate chip cookies you like, please don't eat my gingerbread house again this year my gummy bears need a home.

The life of a bully, lived by a victim

The life of a bully,lived by a victim 

By.Heather Lynn Doty

You knock me down, and and call me names.

Don't you see we are the same?

They hurt you, so you hurt me.

Your actions are not who you want be.

Those who ignored you, should have adored you.

Seeking attention with false hoods you mention.

Out casting others because you never belonged.

Hurting many because one was wronged.

And endless pool of tormenting sorrow.

Collecting joy, only to barrow.

You hide behind laughter,taunting, and pain.

This wretched life will drive you insane.

You fallow others like a face in the crowd.

Till some one stands up and yells out loud.

Don't you see we are all the same?

But when you hurt others you are only to blame.

Forgotten Memories

Forgotten Memories 

By.Heather Lynn Doty

Withered hands a slave to time.

Trapped within a fragile mined.

Those I love now unknown.

I feel as though I'm all alone.

Anger fits, and joyful bits.

Flickers come and flickers go.

Who I am I do not know.

An endless labyrinth of the brain.

Can it be I'v gone insane?

Forgotten have I such memories.

Stolen away from a disease.  

Go to bed

Go to bed

By.Heather Lynn Doty

Go to bed my father said.

But I'm not tired.I screamed "I'm wired."

Go to sleep don't make a peep.

I'm wide awake for heavens sake. 

Go lay down, don't you frown.  

I want to play but I'll sleep ok.

Time to get up and feed your pup.

I want my bed I finally said.

Self Deprecation

Self Deprecation

By.Heather Lynn Doty

Every day I fight a war against the mirror.

Some days I even question why I'm here?

I am ugly, I am fat, I am this, and I am that.

My reflection is a joke, I tare apart, and poke.

Oh woe is me, why cant I let her be?

That girl has been knocked down by every one in town.

When she walks about her mind is filled with doubt.

Her smile so insecure, eyes hollowed out in fear.

She cuts into her wrist with memories of his fist. 

They tore her all apart, and abused her little heart.

They mocked her in the halls, and pushed her into walls.

They locked her in her head leaving her for dead.

They twisted all her good till there was nothing left they could. 

They made her so disgusting, a empty cage rusting.

Why couldn't they let her be? Why'd they turned her into me?

Twenty One At Last

Twenty One At Last

By. Heather Lynn Doty

Dedicated to Rafael Rangel for his 21'st Birth Day.

Twenty one I am at last.

Adult limitations in past.

Pore a beer, and grab a glass.

Twenty one I am at last.

I hit the bar, and lost my car.

D.U.I.'s, and puking fry's.

Twenty one I am at last.

Partying is such a blast.

Oh how time go so fast.

Twenty one I am no more. 

I cant believe I'm forty four. 

INTERNAL CONFLICT

INTERNAL CONFLICT
BY.HEATHER LYNN DOTY

CHAPTER ONE

The Beginning Of The End

PRESENT DAY: The pavement taunted me. Its small squares of concrete absorbed all of my emotions,Shining them back, forcing me to see what I had become. It killed me to look. But I couldn’t stop. Frigid winds ate at my flesh as I stumbled about the rooftop. Ruff cracks formed crocodile like eyes in the cement below luring me closer. Jagged rocks shifted into an insincere grin foaming with hunger. It wanted me to jump. Who could blame it? It rarely gets fed.

My feet teetered on the brink of life and death. It was strange to think how small of an action could have such a major impact. It was even stranger to think how alone one could feel in a town full of people. Pools of sorrow and waves of joy tore at my body in a violent struggle. A hot trickle of numbing sadness dripped down my spine.

The whole world was crumbling beneath me like a dry pastry. I had to decide soon. It was now or never. If I jump I die. If I walk away I think I’ll eat at Denny's for breakfast tomorrow. I like there pancakes.

***

FIFTEEN YEARS EARLYER: Have you ever thought about the first moment you realized you were alive?  I often find myself reflecting on memories such as these: the very first seconds I understood where I was, and what I was.  I arose in a narrow room with an oak bed, and a glass doll hutch filled with expensive figurines.  I knew neither my name nor anything about my past leading up to the present.  I was like a coma patient regaining consciousness whom lost my mind in the process.

I only knew this was my mother’s room.  I didn’t know how I got there, or how I even knew it was hers.  I just did.  I scrunched up my small body and wiggled my way out of bed.  Pressing my soft feet against the fibers of the flowing carpet I reached out and stretched my stiff muscles.  Breathing in air deeply I felt a lively sensation; and I knew it.  I was alive.

Walking down the passageways of my home I couldn’t help but run my palm along the rough white walls.  I instantly knew every twist and turn of that place I called my own; I was a part of it.  A part of this world, I thought, as I rounded a last corner.  Then I saw her.  Sitting In a blue rocking chair.  It was as though every emotion of love and happiness washed over me like a warm shower.  She was my mother, my sole reason of being, my provider and protector, my everything.  At that moment the only thought I could contain through the flood of overwhelming joy was; if there were only one thing on this earth I could remember please god let it be her.

A few faded memories come to mind between that moment and preschool but they are only glimpses. Sadly though, those glimpses were the happiest moments of my existence.  People say change is good; but if change is good, why change?  I don’t know why bad things happen to good people, nor why they have happened to me. All i know is what came of my life was unexpected and unendurable.

FRIEND OR FOE?

  FRIEND OR FOE?

By

Heather Lynn Doty

My friend my friend so slippery.

You shade your malevolence so cautiously.

My friend my friend so insincere.

You whisper deception in my ear.

My friend my friend you played me well. 

You need not fear that I'll tell, I don't need to you'll burn in hell.

A LETTER TO A FRIEND

I would rather have you in my life as a friend than as nothing at all.  I have lost everything, most of all my heart, that which has been clawed by the infection of lies and left to rot.  Loneliness began to gnaw at me, and the thing that hurts the most is I am afraid.  I am afraid to talk to you now where before I couldn't talk to you enough.

 I am afraid to talk to you, because I fear if I do I will lose you completely. But perhaps what I truly fear is confirmation that all my demons are real. The fear that monsters do live in our closets, and some days the bad guys win.  I fear they have won, and you believe their lies, because you no longer believe things can work out for good, and you have lost all child like innocence.  For that, and that alone, I am sorry.

You live in a world of absolutes, and have judged me on the words of others.  But I am not absolute.  So my dreams began to crumble beneath me.  My dreams that some day you will walk through my door, and call to me as you have many times before.  My hope is that you will ask me on a simple ride to Walmart.

Never in my life did I think I would give anything to be asked to Walmart, but here I am willing to give up all that I am for one simple trip with you.  It's not the place that matters, it's the fact that you were with me. It's the fact that you made me feel alive, and happy where no one else could.  It's the fact that you made me laugh, and it is a fact that now I can't even look at Walmart without crying.  Crying because you aren't there.

The saddest thing is I know you will never come back, and I know I have lost my dearest friend. I have lost you through false accusations, and unwanted truths.  I have lost you because you believe in the monsters such as lies and hate. I lost you because you gave up. And so I have been cast aside like a broken toy.  And I am broken. Without your friendship I am missing all the important pieces. They are the pieces that allow me to live and function.

 I promise I will never leave,or give up. I will forever wait and hope this tale will end happily ever after. Whenever you are ready, I will be here waiting to be fixed. Just don't wait too long or you might lose the pieces.    
                       
Sincerely, and Respectfully your true, and loyal friend,
                                                                                                              
Heather Lynn Doty

A Defining Moment

 The dance was 3 hours but in that brief span of life you had made my existence painful and nearly unendurable. I am a person. In that land of preteen hierarchy called High school, I was made the victim by cruel words and your actions.how cruel must one be to do as you did and so many others have:To spread rumors with no foundations in reality; to plant their seeds and reap the withered fruits they produced. To tear me apart with a surgical precision that left me breathless and alone. The perfect jock and joker the magic combination of popularity. I just wanted to have fun and enjoy my sinyor year of high school maybe that was my mistake atchuly thinking you or any of the other bully's might atchuly let me be happy; but im fat and acword the one way course to social-murder. And it was tinder to the fire you and others started. I was a cow, they said ,A fat ass, the blob, fat Albert, a wail something less than human, and a slew of words that would make a sailor blush. For a high schooer, such words are gold, though.  And so, their violent connotations equated to hatred turned against me. It means no one to sit with at lunch, no friends, no partners on class projects - only laughing taunts and unsure, nervous stares. I was made a pariah, the leper of school, exiled to the fringes of social life.I had never, been that depressed in my life.I was already stood up, and you and your friends had to kick me down even more, you humiliated and isolated me. i wished i could just curl up in a ball and die. I am already unable to focus on school work and instead burie myself in art , drawn worlds far away from my own. I constantly have to be buried in  worlds that kept me from crying, from feeling lonely. As long as I am surrounded by drawings , I dont need anything else. I atuchely thought i was pretty that night for once in my life and so more fodder was added to the abuse.But no all you saw in me was 100 pounds more then the average barbie Of course I look awkward and feel worse than that; Iv been suffering for it. My temperament became volatile and angry towards family. They couldn't help me, and I couldn't tell them what was happening. I was too embarrassed. Finally this weekend,my mom took notice of my depression, confronted me. And all I could do was cry, I am broken. I was so relieved that someone said that things were going to change. I didn't need to be afraid of going to school every day.Most likely, you will never know the pain you and others caused me, can’t help but believe that anyone with that sort of knowledge would even start that sort of harassment. But then, I am often wrong. It will take me  me a very long time to feel comfortable around people again. I still feel as if, at any time, strangers could twist my words into something monstrous. I now tend to come off as cold and stand-offish, and up until i found my best friend on accident, making friends was a difficult process it still is but less.I want to surround myself with people who care about me. I understand that humans are capable of major and absolute destruction but i believe they are also capable of wonderful miracles; of kindness and moments of profound beauty.I know that in each person is some sort of goodness.I see how miserable people are when they put others down. There is no real joy in their actions, only more pain; they were torturing that flame of good nature, dousing it in water and drowning. I think that might be you and others alike lonely and hurting. So you wanted someone to comprehend that pain. And I did. And I feel sorry for you. No one should ever have to experience those feelings.I still will have difficulties forgiving those who have hurt and scared me for life.  Time does not heal all wounds it only lessons them. but strangely scars don't have to direct where we go only remind us were we have been. I hope that you some day can feel the same way and finally love and respect yourself.

Sincerely 
Heather Lynn Doty

Opportunity

Opportunity

By

Heather Lynn Doty

There are many things in life I have been disappointed in. But there is no way to turn back the sands of time that slips through our fingers into the inevitable decay we call our future.We must simply cope, move on, and improve.Many have the makings of greatness but they never seize the opportunity.As Thomas A. Edison once said."Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Others I believe to be afraid to take a chance and dive in to the moment that witch opportunity has provided.Perhaps we shall never know why so many squander their talents for such mediocre rewards, such are lesser dreams. The saddest thing there is in life is the string murdered of dreams, that which plagues our world. Twisting and tourchering all that is worth living for. Dreams glowing like a solar fire, continually smothered to ashes by missed opportunities and fear.I question why? Why fear opportunity? Why fear change? Both will knock at your door whether you like it or not.So why do we fear it? Why not embrace it?  The sooner you say no to these opportunity's of greatness the sooner death will knock at your door. Only to find the sole he has come to collect has been dead long before the body gave way.So please if not for me do it for yourself. The next time you spot an ounce of opportunity grasp it in your hand and hold it to your heart. Do not let these chances at greatness pass you by. The more you Opportunity's leave out there the sooner you will realize they have all been caught like fish leaving none behind for those of us who only dream about casting our lines.

Surprisingly wonderful

Surprisingly wonderful

By

Heather Lynn Doty

It was finally there, after all those years, right in front of him. A pair of eyes identical to those on his own face. How could he have gone all those years with out even knowing? With out even so much as a call? So many birthdays missed. So many years wasted. 

  Who would have expected to here a door bell ring and receive a child? Perhaps the stork was real? All he knew was there was a child and a note.

   "Dear Josh, I never meant to hurt you. I just knew you didn't want to be apart of my life anymore that night you kissed Sarah. I didn't want to obligate you to be with someone you didn't love just because I was pregnant.I wanted you to have a good life, the kind of life I could not have. This is our son Connor. He is five now, his birth day is June sixth. He loves sesame street, ninja turtles, and loony tuns. His favorite foods are pizza, spaghetti, and chicken nuggets. If he can't sleep at night pleas sing to him billy Joel's lullaby. I am sorry to leave so many questions unanswered, and to just drop him off on you like this, but it was the only option I had. I was diagnosed with cancer a year ago and it has progressed so badly that I only have a few weeks left to live. I don't want Connor to see me like this, or to see me pass away. My last wish is that you would love, and provide for him as much as I have thees last six years. I am sorry I never told you, you are a good man and I know you would have been there. Just as I know you will be there now. When hes old enough to understand pleas tell him I did this because I love him. Till then if he asks about where I am pleas tell him I am on vacation.I love Connor with all my heart. And now at my final hour I must admit I love you more than I have ever loved someone.Thank you for giving me Connor. Love eternally your Jacqueline." She didn't understand. Josh had never loved another woman more than he loved her. As for Sarah, he was drunk. Who would have thought a single kiss would have ended in a child he didn't know he had for five years? looking down at the small boy he saw little bits of Jacqueline sown into every bit of him. The way he kicked at the ground because he was nervous,the freckles on his face,and oh god his smile it was hers. This little boy might be a frighting new experience but, Josh thought taking Connor in by the hand, if hes anything like his mother he will be the only other person he could ever love.

A Rock In My Shoe

A Rock In My Shoe

By 

Heather Lynn Doty

There is a rock inside my shoe, and I don't know what to do.

When shooken it doesn't roll, just sticks in deeper in my sole.

Oh how I am blue because the rock stuck in my shoe.

So I ripped out all my laces, seeing specters making faces.

Sadly I did not find the cause of all my pain, searching for its source drove me literally insane.

Unbenounced to me that clever little rock had hitched a little ride to the bottom of my sock.

The Warlock And The Barber

The Warlock  And The Barber

By

Heather Lynn Doty

Morior twisted about his ragged beard, crumbs from yesterdays bread falling to the floor. Peering at his own image in the pool of reflection, the fact that he needed a touch up became all the more clear. His eyes were sunken with age,skin wrinkling with every minute like a child left in a bath for to long. His hair was shaggy and matted. His teeth were yellow with bits of meat sticking out from meals of days gone bye.

  "Yes it is about time I clean myself up." He said, turning to his pet Iguana.

  Maybe you should go to a barber. suggested Ziggy washing his dry scales.

  "Or I could just use a grooming spell."Morior replied. 

  Ha! Last time you tried that it made your ear hair grow to your feet, I would love to see that again. laughed Ziggy.  

  "Haw, haw vary funny. Sorry to get your hopes up, but I'm going to a barber." He said.

  Hopefully he shaves your head bald.Ziggy taunted.

  If I don't like what is done I shale deal with it my way, just as I shale deal with that mouth of yours. Zip it now! Zip it tight! Zip his mouth the rest of the night!Said Morior waving his wand. 

  Ziggy fell silent, and Morior began to grin. 

  Have a good night Ziggy I will be home before you know it. He said patting Ziggy's little head.

 Ziggy replied with an icy stair.

  "Hello there." said a young boy as Morior entered the shop.

  "Hello, I require your assistance for I need a trim of the beard and a cut of thy hair."replied Morior.

  Alright pleas take a seat sir.said the boy gesturing to the chair.

  The seat squeaked as Morior sat, and the boy began to snip his beard. The layers were ruff and full of grime. Bye time he was done with Morior's face the chair was filled with fur. 

  "Sir would you pleas stand so I may clean up all your hair."he asked.

  "You probably suck at hair." Morior whispered to himself. 

   Moving his body Morior's wand took action to his words, casting a spell.

  A few minutes later the cut resumed, and the boys hand soon had a mind of there own. He sniped it here. Choped it there. and soon the hacking came to an end. All that was left was one patch of hair.

  "What have you done?" Screamed Morior 

 I'm sorry sir I don't know what happened. Cried the boy.

  "Make him small! Make him fury! Do it now! Hurry! Hurry!"Said Morior waving his wand angrily. 

  When he arrived home he took the spell off of Ziggy.

   Love the hair cut. Ziggy laughed.

   It came with a Free pet. said Morior holding a mouse.

   Oh a new friend. Ziggy replied with glee.

   You two may talk Im going to sleep.He said.

    Hello.Said the mouse with a little squeak.

    Hello I'm Ziggy. The iguana replied. 

    I'm Tomas, I was a barber. Said the mouse.

    That's funny so was I. chuckled Ziggy.

Ambivalent Thoughts

Ambivalent Thoughts

By

Heather Lynn Doty

Have you ever felt trapped, like there was no way out? Or like there was a million thoughts racing around your head, and no matter what you do they just get faster piling up till you can't even think strait enough to breath?

Gazing down a bottle of white pills the choice occurred, and the thoughts began once more.

  Would it even matter? How long till anyone noticed? How long till I was forgotten? My Mother would be heart broken. Or maybe relived? Pools of sorrow began to well up in my eyes, burning as though I had been starring into the sun for several hours. 

  Why did my life have to change so much,so fast?One moment I was an innocent child, the next a teenager abandoned by those I loved , and treated like a leper by all that is kind. Why live in an ugly world based on naive ambitions. All life ever gives is empty promises, to empty people.

  Those I once thought great, and admired unraveled there twisted images with every year of my growing age. Others I thought little of I now understood, for they too had been warped by the end less rain of depravity left by the scum we call society.

  Every emotion slid down my throat in the shape of an oval pill.Every spiteful word numbed my body a little more. Walls began to crumble as the earth shook beneath my feet. My breath became shallow, and my pulse ceased. 

  Light began to flood my eyes. I was back. My life suddenly seemed more worth living as the scent of pancakes drifted through the air. 

  "Hurry up foods done!" Mom yelled to show she cared.

Who would have thought all it took was a small gesture of love to wake me from my ambivalent dreams, of nothingness, agony? 

  As I stood up a bottle of pills rolled to the floor. Tossing them out I knew I would not long for them anymore.

A LITTLE SPARK

A  LITTLE SPARK

BY

Heather Lynn Doty

 Therese a  spark inside of me, That lives within my heart.

It fallows me around and lights my way in dark.

This spark it tends to grow leaving tingles in my toe.

It fizzes like soda bubbles and pulls me from my troubles. 

It crawls up to my lips and sways beside my hips.

Oh how I am  blessed with this spark within my chest.

I held it in my hand, and buried it beneath wet sand.

Treasures such as thees should be hidden,locked with keys.

So when I'm feeling down, the spark will again be found.

Filling me with glee well setting sorrows free.

   

Introduction to my Blog

Greetings Fellow Earthlings!



On this planet my name is Heather Lynn Doty. On others I do not know yet for I have not found a way to inhabit other lands of late, any ways this shale be my first blog and hopefully it will be out of this world.
I hope to bring you many ah story's of happiness, sadness, bitterness , magic, strange,danger,adventure,and .mysteries. All shall be short and fun or as I call them"Books Beside Your Toilet"  A.K.A. " Short Story's"
Best wishes to all my readers and thank you so much for a few minutes of your time.

                                                                                              Sincerely and Respectfully
                                                                                                     Your Friend and Entertainer
                                                                                                                           Heather Lynn Doty