I would rather have you in my life as a friend than as nothing at all. I have lost everything, most of all my heart, that which has been clawed by the infection of lies and left to rot. Loneliness began to gnaw at me, and the thing that hurts the most is I am afraid. I am afraid to talk to you now where before I couldn't talk to you enough.
I am afraid to talk to you, because I fear if I do I will lose you completely. But perhaps what I truly fear is confirmation that all my demons are real. The fear that monsters do live in our closets, and some days the bad guys win. I fear they have won, and you believe their lies, because you no longer believe things can work out for good, and you have lost all child like innocence. For that, and that alone, I am sorry.
You live in a world of absolutes, and have judged me on the words of others. But I am not absolute. So my dreams began to crumble beneath me. My dreams that some day you will walk through my door, and call to me as you have many times before. My hope is that you will ask me on a simple ride to Walmart.
Never in my life did I think I would give anything to be asked to Walmart, but here I am willing to give up all that I am for one simple trip with you. It's not the place that matters, it's the fact that you were with me. It's the fact that you made me feel alive, and happy where no one else could. It's the fact that you made me laugh, and it is a fact that now I can't even look at Walmart without crying. Crying because you aren't there.
The saddest thing is I know you will never come back, and I know I have lost my dearest friend. I have lost you through false accusations, and unwanted truths. I have lost you because you believe in the monsters such as lies and hate. I lost you because you gave up. And so I have been cast aside like a broken toy. And I am broken. Without your friendship I am missing all the important pieces. They are the pieces that allow me to live and function.
I promise I will never leave,or give up. I will forever wait and hope this tale will end happily ever after. Whenever you are ready, I will be here waiting to be fixed. Just don't wait too long or you might lose the pieces.
Sincerely, and Respectfully your true, and loyal friend,
Heather Lynn Doty
