A Defining Moment

 The dance was 3 hours but in that brief span of life you had made my existence painful and nearly unendurable. I am a person. In that land of preteen hierarchy called High school, I was made the victim by cruel words and your actions.how cruel must one be to do as you did and so many others have:To spread rumors with no foundations in reality; to plant their seeds and reap the withered fruits they produced. To tear me apart with a surgical precision that left me breathless and alone. The perfect jock and joker the magic combination of popularity. I just wanted to have fun and enjoy my sinyor year of high school maybe that was my mistake atchuly thinking you or any of the other bully's might atchuly let me be happy; but im fat and acword the one way course to social-murder. And it was tinder to the fire you and others started. I was a cow, they said ,A fat ass, the blob, fat Albert, a wail something less than human, and a slew of words that would make a sailor blush. For a high schooer, such words are gold, though.  And so, their violent connotations equated to hatred turned against me. It means no one to sit with at lunch, no friends, no partners on class projects - only laughing taunts and unsure, nervous stares. I was made a pariah, the leper of school, exiled to the fringes of social life.I had never, been that depressed in my life.I was already stood up, and you and your friends had to kick me down even more, you humiliated and isolated me. i wished i could just curl up in a ball and die. I am already unable to focus on school work and instead burie myself in art , drawn worlds far away from my own. I constantly have to be buried in  worlds that kept me from crying, from feeling lonely. As long as I am surrounded by drawings , I dont need anything else. I atuchely thought i was pretty that night for once in my life and so more fodder was added to the abuse.But no all you saw in me was 100 pounds more then the average barbie Of course I look awkward and feel worse than that; Iv been suffering for it. My temperament became volatile and angry towards family. They couldn't help me, and I couldn't tell them what was happening. I was too embarrassed. Finally this weekend,my mom took notice of my depression, confronted me. And all I could do was cry, I am broken. I was so relieved that someone said that things were going to change. I didn't need to be afraid of going to school every day.Most likely, you will never know the pain you and others caused me, can’t help but believe that anyone with that sort of knowledge would even start that sort of harassment. But then, I am often wrong. It will take me  me a very long time to feel comfortable around people again. I still feel as if, at any time, strangers could twist my words into something monstrous. I now tend to come off as cold and stand-offish, and up until i found my best friend on accident, making friends was a difficult process it still is but less.I want to surround myself with people who care about me. I understand that humans are capable of major and absolute destruction but i believe they are also capable of wonderful miracles; of kindness and moments of profound beauty.I know that in each person is some sort of goodness.I see how miserable people are when they put others down. There is no real joy in their actions, only more pain; they were torturing that flame of good nature, dousing it in water and drowning. I think that might be you and others alike lonely and hurting. So you wanted someone to comprehend that pain. And I did. And I feel sorry for you. No one should ever have to experience those feelings.I still will have difficulties forgiving those who have hurt and scared me for life.  Time does not heal all wounds it only lessons them. but strangely scars don't have to direct where we go only remind us were we have been. I hope that you some day can feel the same way and finally love and respect yourself.

Sincerely 
Heather Lynn Doty