INTERNAL CONFLICT
BY.HEATHER LYNN DOTY
BY.HEATHER LYNN DOTY
CHAPTER ONE
The Beginning Of The End
PRESENT DAY: The pavement taunted me. Its small squares of concrete absorbed all of my emotions,Shining them back, forcing me to see what I had become. It killed me to look. But I couldn’t stop. Frigid winds ate at my flesh as I stumbled about the rooftop. Ruff cracks formed crocodile like eyes in the cement below luring me closer. Jagged rocks shifted into an insincere grin foaming with hunger. It wanted me to jump. Who could blame it? It rarely gets fed.
My feet teetered on the brink of life and death. It was strange to think how small of an action could have such a major impact. It was even stranger to think how alone one could feel in a town full of people. Pools of sorrow and waves of joy tore at my body in a violent struggle. A hot trickle of numbing sadness dripped down my spine.
The whole world was crumbling beneath me like a dry pastry. I had to decide soon. It was now or never. If I jump I die. If I walk away I think I’ll eat at Denny's for breakfast tomorrow. I like there pancakes.
***
FIFTEEN YEARS EARLYER: Have you ever thought about the first moment you realized you were alive? I often find myself reflecting on memories such as these: the very first seconds I understood where I was, and what I was. I arose in a narrow room with an oak bed, and a glass doll hutch filled with expensive figurines. I knew neither my name nor anything about my past leading up to the present. I was like a coma patient regaining consciousness whom lost my mind in the process.
I only knew this was my mother’s room. I didn’t know how I got there, or how I even knew it was hers. I just did. I scrunched up my small body and wiggled my way out of bed. Pressing my soft feet against the fibers of the flowing carpet I reached out and stretched my stiff muscles. Breathing in air deeply I felt a lively sensation; and I knew it. I was alive.
Walking down the passageways of my home I couldn’t help but run my palm along the rough white walls. I instantly knew every twist and turn of that place I called my own; I was a part of it. A part of this world, I thought, as I rounded a last corner. Then I saw her. Sitting In a blue rocking chair. It was as though every emotion of love and happiness washed over me like a warm shower. She was my mother, my sole reason of being, my provider and protector, my everything. At that moment the only thought I could contain through the flood of overwhelming joy was; if there were only one thing on this earth I could remember please god let it be her.
A few faded memories come to mind between that moment and preschool but they are only glimpses. Sadly though, those glimpses were the happiest moments of my existence. People say change is good; but if change is good, why change? I don’t know why bad things happen to good people, nor why they have happened to me. All i know is what came of my life was unexpected and unendurable.
